Parents can really screw a kids life up.
Wow, my daugther slept really well last night! It was really nice. She only got up every 3 hours and even at that, she was just hungry, or she needed changed. So I felt like I was doing a good job last night. I've been feeling sort of depressed lately. I'm not sure why, but I am. I think part of it is that my mom isn't here to see Alysia, and she missed out on Paige growing up. When I was 12 my mom had Paige. Everything seemed to be ok. School started up and I went to school and my dad went to work, and appearantly her depression was getting worse. We were all so blind to it, one days our eyes were opened up and it was too late. It happened around the time Paige was close to 2, she was napping and I was at school and my dad was working, my mom attempted to kill herself, she had enough time to call my dad and tell him to come and get Paige so she wouldn't be alone, but by the time my dad got home she had bled to death.
It haunts me. They say that depression is genetical. I don't want to end up like my mom. I don't want to have two children who look up to me and leave them one day out. I was 14, I thought it was my fault. That is partially the reason that I'm feeling this way lately. It's been a little less than 10 years, and it still scares me. Everyone tells me that it wasn't my fault, but deep inside I know if I'd been paying attention I could have stopped it. I could have told my dad and he could have got her some help. . . But enough about that. Paige will be getting up soon and I don't want her to see my tears.
My dad called last night and he's married now. He and his girlfriend eloped. She's my age, he's twice my age. Oh well, they are in Pennsylvania, I don't have to be around her a lot. Alysia just woke up so I'm going to head out.
Emma