How Did Our Marriage End Up Like This?

I drove my husband to drinking. . . :( But How??

Published on June 29, 2004 By simplethings In Blogging

Shawn has come home, and I found out that he had appearantly been drinking, because he was in the bathroom all morning thowing up. His mom called me after he left and told me that if he didn't come home I was supposed to call her. I'm really upset with him right now. I told him that John could move in and he just shrugged. He hasn't said a word to me...

It hurts me. I never meant to "drive him to drinking", was my reply to what he said such an awful thing? Did I say something wrong? I just want to nkow. And he's not telling me anything. I'm really upset right now. I'm so upset that I don't even notice John or Paige being here. I'm off in my own little world and the only thing that is on my mind, is Shawn. Which is pretty sad considering I just had a baby. . .

Well.. I am going to chase after Shawn, he just walked out the door. Maybe I can catch him before he leaves. . .
Emma

Comments (Page 1)

Do you really think you did?

on Jun 29, 2004

Each person chooses what they do.

simplethings

on Jun 29, 2004

I know, but he's causing me so much pain right now, I don't think he even realizes that he's doing it. And that makes it hurt worse. . .

Emma

simplethings

on Jun 29, 2004

He's out drinking again. I called his cell phone, and he told me "I just need to take a breather, I'll be home around closing time." No I love you's, no good night honey, no give Alysia a kiss for me. He just hung up after that. I'm scared for him. I really am.

Emma

Gideon MacLeish

on Jun 29, 2004

I will pray for your marriage, and that he is able to convey to you whatever is the matter.

In the meantime, when you get a chance to speak with him, avoid using "you" messages. This will put him on the defensive, and would not be constructive. I don't know about your spiritual situation; if you are Christian, I can recommend some good resources for you. If you are not, perhaps there are others reading who can help with this? At any rate, I do wish you the best.

simplethings

on Jun 29, 2004

Thanks, I attend church, but I don't know exactly what to consider myself. I believe in God, but there are many things that could put me in hell. I don't know though. Religion has always confused me.

Emma

Janders

on Jun 29, 2004

Emma
I will pray for you and Shawn. I don't know how long you have been married, but I know that all marriages have tough times. You are going through a lot and I hope and pray that God takes some of the burden off for you. You are in my prayers. Hug that adorable daughter of yours for me and tell her she has a mommy that obviously loves her a lot.

simplethings

on Jun 29, 2004

We've been married 5 years on June 24. . . Thank you for keeping us in your prayers. I'm planning on staying up until he gets home, then he and I are hopefully going to have a long talk. . .

Emma

Locamama

on Jun 29, 2004

Hi Emma, Marriage has lots of ups and downs and rough spots. Hopefully, you can bear with the bad to get to the good. It is very hard if he won't talk with you though. Just take care of yourself. I know I have often had the feeling that marriage is supposed to be more than what we have. As dr. phil would say we all need a soft place to fall and that should be each other. Maybe you can find a sitter and have an evening out by yourselves. Having a baby is a big adjustment on your relationship. Maybe just having sometime to reconnect with each other will help.

simplethings

on Jun 29, 2004

Alright, I'll take that into consideration. Thank You, Locamama.
Still no sign of Shawn coming home anytime soon. I hate knowing that he could be driving after drinking. You'd think he'd know better.

Emma

Janders

on Jun 30, 2004

Are you close with you MIL, could you let her know to keep an eye out and let you know if he shows up there? Also, you both have a lot going on, maybe you should consider some joint counseling, it can only help.

Marvin Cooley

on Jun 30, 2004

Sounds to me like you picked a real ass hole for a husband. I bet he runs out on you and the kid.

trina_p

on Jun 30, 2004

Yeah that's what a mother with a newborn wants to hear! Moron.

Emma - consider the source.

simplethings

on Jun 30, 2004

Janders, I spoke with his mom yesterday and she has been keeping her eye out. Luckily he came home last night, more less this morning, and I sat him down and talked to him.

Marvin, please don't tell me things like that. Shawn's just stressed. He just needs time to think.

Yeah that's what a mother with a newborn wants to hear! Moron.Emma - consider the source.

Thanks, Trina! I need someone to stick up for me when I'm not around!!

Shawn and I are going to have a more throrough talk after he's down throwing up, I mean when he's sober. I never thought I'd be saying that.

Emma

Poetmom99

on Jun 30, 2004

Emma...you didn't drive him to drink.....he drank because he chose to....and his behavior now is also his choice, and has nothing to do with anything you did or didn't do, said or didn't say. Don't let yourself fall into that trap.

He needs to talk to you, or to someone....something is bothering him, and it's bothering him a lot, and it's not going to get any better if he just keeps trying to drink it away. I'll keep you all in my prayers.

Sounds to me like you picked a real ass hole for a husband. I bet he runs out on you and the kid.

Gosh, didn't anyone ever teach you that if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all? Emma has enough to worry about without someone putting thoughts like that in her head!!

Shawn and I are going to have a more throrough talk after he's down throwing up, I mean when he's sober. I never thought I'd be saying that.

Good luck, Emma.....I hope things get better for all of you.

simplethings

on Jun 30, 2004

Thanks Poetmom, Shawn and I talked, we cried and we worked through some stuff. And he went on and on about how sorry he was. And I don't know if this is over, what I mean is, I don't know if the problem is over, But we did get a good start to getting through it. He and I went this afternoon to the mall. Just the two of us, we left the baby with his mom. I was so nervous to leave her. But, Shawn and I needed time to ourselves, and it really seemed to help. So, I don't know what's going to happen to us, but I have a good feeling that we'll be ok. I'm 99.9% sure that we're going to be all right. I love him, and I hope he realizes that. Thanks for all your thoughts and help.

Emma

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