I'm sorry that Shawn and I haven't written lately. We've both been at the hospital. I came home tonight to get some sleep. My daughter is sick. She has had a fever of around 105 most of the week. It was lower at first, and it has just shot up over the past few days. I ddon't really have much time to talk. I need to get back to the hospital. They aren't sure what's wrong with her. But she wouldn't eat, and she's been wheezing sort of, which was the reason I took her to the ER Tuesday night...

Sorry that i haven't written since thursday. I've been helping Shawn get ready for his "special time" For as long as I have known Shawn, he has run a car in the demolition derby at the 4th of July fair. He gets enjoyment out of smashing up a car. . . who would have guessed? lol. . . Anyways, I was helping him get the last minute touchs done on it for last nights big game. So, I didn't have much time to write. Guess how I spent last night and early this morning? My dear husband was in the 3rd ...

MY MOTHER IN LAW IS KEEPING ALYSIA TONIGHT SO THAT SHAWN AND I CAN GO OUT!!!!! I am going to have me quite a few Margarita's and Long Island Ice Tea's. . . and some Kaluha and lots of alcohol. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not usually this excited to drink, but the last time I went out was 2 years ago, my last glass of wine was 10 months ago. I'm in the mood for some Coke and rum. I can't wait to taste the Banana Daquari, and mmmm.... i missed it. I feel like such a bitch because I was upset wi...

I'M ALMOST IN THE TOP 100!!!!!!! I am so excited!! I couldn't believe it when I looked at my site's rank #!! Shawn and I, are on the rocks. I love him. I really do. And I know he loves me. He tells me so all the time. And I can feel it when he holds me in his arms. He's so sweet. But he's also very hurt. Hurt by what his parents have done to him, hurt by my words, just plain old hurt. Alysia has began to coo! It is so sweet! I was sitting on the couch just relaxing for a few minutes...

Shawn has come home, and I found out that he had appearantly been drinking, because he was in the bathroom all morning thowing up. His mom called me after he left and told me that if he didn't come home I was supposed to call her. I'm really upset with him right now. I told him that John could move in and he just shrugged. He hasn't said a word to me... It hurts me. I never meant to "drive him to drinking", was my reply to what he said such an awful thing? Did I say something wrong? I jus...

I found a good use of my father-in-law, John. He's a good babysiter. Ok, we were still home, but I at least got some peace and quiet with my husband for 2 hours!! And so I'm thinking, maybe having John around won't be too bad of a thing. At least when he's willing to keep and eye on Alysia every once and a while. Today was crazy... Shawn's mom Tina, came over, not realizing John was here. Oy vey. . . that's all I can say about that. Tina was shocked to see him, and luckily her new husb...

UGH! Shawn brought his dad home with him from NY... He's a nut case. I mean, the man freaked out because I had dust on my tv. Last night I was talking to Shawn about how frsutrated I was after only a few minutes of his being here. Shawn just laughed at me! I was mad. And so Shawn took my little sister to the mall today and left me here, with my father-in-law. For a 70 year old man, he can sure do a lot of annoying. The man must live to drive me crazy. I now have a greater appreciation for Sha...

Love Is Blind I'm not a complicated person. I just like to speak my mind. I don't want to hold your hand. You’re all the things I couldn’t find. I can see it in your eyes, all the feelings you try to hide. Don't act like you don't see it, please don't try to save your pride. I understand you love me, I can see it when you smile. Don’t look at me with sad eyes, I’ve checked your history file. Don’t act like everything’s ok, cause we both know it’s not. I’m taking all these feel...

Alysia, Paige, and I went back to the center today. All I heard was "When can we write more letters?" I was so touched. I'm a little worried. Shawn informed me that we may be moving within the next 3 months. It took me so long to get those kids trust, and to build their friendship, if we move, that'll screw things up. So I'm praying that we don't get moved. Shawn called and just as I suspected, his dad was only using surgery as an excuse for Shawn to go to NY. Shawn's dad has been lonely, a...

Wow, my daugther slept really well last night! It was really nice. She only got up every 3 hours and even at that, she was just hungry, or she needed changed. So I felt like I was doing a good job last night. I've been feeling sort of depressed lately. I'm not sure why, but I am. I think part of it is that my mom isn't here to see Alysia, and she missed out on Paige growing up. When I was 12 my mom had Paige. Everything seemed to be ok. School started up and I went to school and my dad went t...

Shawn and I were talking last night about what I could do with the children at the Psychiatric center, where next school year I'll be teaching writing and art. I wanted to do something to enhance their writing, and perhaps get their minds working. Shawn suggested that I have them write letters to the soldiers in Iraq, and also have them color the back of the envelopes all pretty. He said it made him feel really good to get letters, especially bright and colorful ones. So that's what I'm doing...

Alysia hasn't cried as much today now that I started her on the formula. She seems to be eating better and sleeping. I'm Loving It! I spent time with Shawn today, without talking about what we should do about the crying. Alysia has one more appointment left this week. Then her next one will be in 2 weeks. She's grown so much in the past 3 days. I have a dumb dumb question, and I don't want to ask cause I feel sort of dumb by asking this, but. . . how long is the normal wait before having sex ...

I fell asleep on the couch last night, while Shawn was trying the Kangaroo-ing thing with Alysia. I slept all night. Shawn slept with Alysia like that, and she woke up a few times but he gave her some formula and changed her diaper and all that wonderful stuff and she went back to sleep. I was depressed of course, considering that I love laying next to Shawn at night and hearing his heart beat. But I was overjoyed to get so much sleep! We took Alysia to her second to last check-up this we...

Alysia has been crying for the past 3 hours. Nothing is working! I'm frustrated! I tried everything I could think of before I handed her over to Shawn about 10 minutes ago. Shawn keeps looking to me for advice, and I keep telling him "Honey, if I knew how to make her happy, don't you think I would have done it already?" and he just looks at me with a blank stare. . . and thats where I reply "I didn't think so. Just hold on! I'll take her in a minute!" Is parenthood like this from here on out...

We went out to lunch and to Alysia's doctor today. Alysia is fine. I spoke with one of the nurses that was there the night I had Alysia, and she said that Alysia had done the same thing her first night. And she said that all Alysia wanted was to be rocked, and rub her back. so I thought I tried that last night... but oh well, maybe I'm just so tired that I don't remember. My husband says hello to everyone. Alysia has been sleeping all afternoon and I'm saying to myself, why couldn't she have ...